


Irreplacable

by wishfulFeline



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, hand holding, its more likely than youd think, me? projecting on my faves?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 10:47:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16680184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishfulFeline/pseuds/wishfulFeline
Summary: Kiibo doesn't want to talk about his feelings. Everyone else is already suffering, so why burden them more? Shuichi wants to convince him otherwise.





	Irreplacable

Shuichi slipped on his shoes, tapping the heels a few times to get them fully on without too much fumbling. It was already dark, light from a streetlight coming through the blinds. He couldn’t be bothered to turn on any lights. He was going out, so he’d need to turn them off in a moment anyways.

He had to head out and go pick up Maki and Himiko. Well, pick up as in meet with them and travel home together. It felt safer that way. Strength in numbers. They only had each other, after all. Shuichi was still figuring out what to do in regards to driving so for the time being they’d been getting by with public transportation.

Himiko and Maki worked together at a variety store as cashiers. It was how they managed to keep food on the table. Maki lied when they applied. Fake last names, identifying Himiko as Maki’s sister. She told their bosses that Himiko had experienced sexual harassment and wanted shifts only at the same time as Maki. Somehow, it had worked. The two went to and from work together, but Shuichi and Kiibo would accompany them at night or if they wanted to pick up something on the way home.

They’d changed themselves quite a bit since returning to ‘regular’ life. Maki keeping her hair in a high bun and pulling her bangs to the side. Himiko wearing pigtails with a middle part and glasses with clear lenses. If anyone had recognized them, they hadn’t said anything. Shuichi had returned to wearing his cap. Hiding as much of his face and hair as possible. Hoods, sunglasses, headphones, anything he could use to shield himself from any conversation or looks. 

Shuichi felt guilty still not having a job, but his friends assured him that it was okay to take his time. He very much disagreed. But his anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder made it hard to so much as leave the apartment by himself. He’d keep trying. For the sake of the others, at least. Not being able to pay the electric bills would be fatal to one of them, after all.

Kiibo wasn’t able to leave the apartment very often. It was severely dangerous, him being the most recognizable of them all. It was risky, but with persuasion, begging, and a little bit of threatening, they’d managed to replace Kiibo’s body before venturing off on their own for good. Because of course Team Danganronpa had made a spare copy as they planned to continue to take advantage of his abilities. He no longer had an antenna. He was no longer under anyone's control too, to their knowledge. He still wore a hat pretty often when out, though. For comfort or to mimic Shuichi, it’s hard to tell. Baggy clothes even in hot weather, gloves, makeup over his markings, and so forth. Seeing the Ultimate Robot walking in public would cause quite a scene. It was safest for the four of them to travel in pairs at minimum.

The alarm on Shuichi’s phone went off and he quickly turned off the irritating sound. Time to get to the bus stop. Himiko and Maki’s shifts would end soon. They’d be tired, so he’d prepare dinner.

“Kiibo, it’s time for us to leave,” Shuichi said, facing towards the bathroom. Kiibo hurried out, tugging on his gloves.

“Ah—Yes, okay. Let’s go,” he answered, voice shaky. Shuichi quirked an eyebrow at his skittishness. He tried to ignore the uneasiness Kiibo’s demeanor instilled in him. He opened their front door and looked over his shoulder to make sure Kiibo was following. 

He was, but in short teetering steps. He looked even paler than usual. Shuichi bit his lower lip. “Um. Are you okay?”

Kiibo laughed, but it sounded bitter. “Neither of...none of us are, right?” Shuichi’s shoulders stiffen. He’s not wrong, but it’s painful to be reminded out loud. Kiibo walked past him through the doorway. Shuichi took notice of the way he looked down, avoiding eye contact.

Shuichi followed him and locked the door behind them. He tucked his keys back into a pocket in his cross body bag. He looked back up, hoping to catch Kiibo’s eye. It would be awkward being together so long in only uncomfortable silence. It failed, Kiibo staring down the stairway blankly. Shuichi sighed.  _ Tonight is going to be long. _

They both start their trek down the staircase. Shuichi can’t stop taking nervous glances at Kiibo, the way he was gripping the handrail like his life depended on it and how his knees buckled with each step. One floor down, one more to go.

Shuichi’s breath caught in his throat as he watched Kiibo lose his grip and go toppling forward. He’s frozen in shock as Kiibo fails to catch or rebalance himself and crashes down the entire flight of stairs. The noise is atrocious, his metal body banging and clattering from top to bottom, and the way he wailed in shock and pain. Shuichi blinked himself back into focus as fast as he could, quickly hurrying down to the bottom of the stairs, being sure to hold the handrail himself as to not go falling down too in his rush. 

Kiibo laid twitching on the floor. He rolled himself over but could hardly sit up. Panic set in.

“Kiibo!? Oh my God, Kiibo, what happened!? Are you okay!?” Shuichi shouted, even though the answers were obvious. Kiibo just propped himself up against the wall and shook his head.

“Sorry. M-my...It’s my fault,” Kiibo answered. Shuichi shook his head back.

“No, it’s not! Can you walk?” Shuichi asked.

Kiibo looked up at him and grimaced. “I don’t. Think so. I-It hurts, my...I can’t.”

Shuichi ground his teeth. He knelt down next to Kiibo. “You can’t go out like this. I’ll take you home,” Shuichi insisted. He hugged Kiibo, wrapping his arms under Kiibo’s to lift him. In a less dramatic situation, Kiibo grasping onto him would make his heart skip a beat, but now wasn’t the time. Sliding his back up against the wall, with Shuichi’s help Kiibo made it back to his feet. He still clung to the other hard.

“But Maki...Himiko, need you,” Kiibo whined. Shuichi rolled his eyes.

“I’ll call them when we get inside,” Shuichi assured him, and pulled him a bit away from the wall. They typically used the stairs as it was faster than the rickety slow elevator, but it had to do for now. Shuichi took a step and Kiibo shakily stepped with him. They repeated the motion until Shuichi was close enough to quickly slap the up button. He bounced his leg nervously as they waited for the doors to open, earning a groan from Kiibo. 

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“No, sorry, I’m sorry,” Kiibo replied. Shuichi sighed. The doors slowly opened and Shuichi just about dragged Kiibo on board the elevator.

“You could try a little harder to work with me here,” Shuichi muttered, pining Kiibo against the wall to keep him from falling so he could press the elevator buttons and get his keys out.

Kiibo closed his eyes. “I can’t. I’m gonna die, my battery, I’m gonna die.”

As the elevator doors closed, Shuichi quickly turned to face him again, their faces dangerously close. “Your battery is low? Is that why you where stumbling like that?” Shuichi asked, eyebrows furrowing in frustration. Kiibo weakly nodded. Shuichi shook Kiibo to keep him from going into sleep mode. “Dammit, why didn’t you say something then? What good would have come from you leaving with me like this?”

Kiibo turned away and whimpered. Shuichi hissed through his teeth. “What if you fell in the street? What if people figured out who we are? You seriously...think before you do things! This is more dangerous than you realize!” The elevator shuttered, continuing past the second floor to theirs, the third. Kiibo let out a shaky whine and it just made Shuichi even more anxious.

“What—What do you think will happen if I die? I wonder if I’ll be the same if I’m revived...m-maybe I can reset again…” Kiibo mused, the elevator coming to a stop. Shuichi felt his chest tighten.

“Don’t say that. I’m not gonna let it happen,” Shuichi assured him. The elevator doors opened and Shuichi dragged Kiibo out with him, their shoes squeaking on the linoleum. Shuichi looked over his shoulder, walking backwards to their door. 

He noisily jammed the key into the lock, missing a few times before getting it in and turned the knob, the two practically falling inside.

Shuichi huffed in effort as he walked Kiibo to the outlet in their tiny living room. He went to bend his knees to help Kiibo sit down, but the robot just about collapsed onto the ground with a thud. He yelped in pain and Shuichi inhaled sharply. His biceps burned from the ordeal. He stumbled but got on his knees next to Kiibo. Remembering his plug came from the base of Kiibo’s spine made him hesitate, but it was too important to help Kiibo to get embarrassed. He reached behind Kiibo and clicked open and lifted the latch that concealed it before pulling the cord out.

“Shhhuichi, t-that’s weird…” Kiibo murmured. Shuichi felt his face flush.

“I didn’t know if you had enough energy left to do it yourself, sorry,” he apologized. 

Kiibo shook his head. “S’okay. Dun worry about it.” The way Kiibo’s voice slurred reminded Shuichi of someone who’d had too much alcohol in their system. He plugged Kiibo in, earning a hum from him.

Shuichi unpocketed his phone and pulled up his group chat with Maki and Himiko. He’d text them both incase one of their phones had died or been forgotten.

_ Shuichi: Kiibo and I can’t pick you up tonight. There’s been a minor emergency. Don’t get worried, I’ll explain once it’s resolved. _

He sighed, hoping they’d see it quickly. He looked back to Kiibo. His eyes were closed and his head was limp and cocked to the side. Shuichi scooted closer to examine him. “You fell really hard. Do you think you were dented anywhere? Where does it hurt most?” Shuichi softly asked. His worry overpowered his panic.

Kiibo chuckled. “What does that matter? Nothin’ you or I can do about it.” Shuichi frowned. Kiibo sounded so unlike his usual self…Kiibo opened his eyes a little. “I can jus go to Miu later.”

Shuichi gaped back at him, eyebrows shooting up.  _ Miu, she isn’t… _ The truth seemed to dawn on Kiibo a moment later. His expression drooped immediately. “I can’t. So really, there isn’t anything that we can do about it. If I’m broken I’ll hav’ta stay like that.” 

Shuichi shook his head. “No, even if we can’t right now, we’ll find a way to fix you.”

Kiibo smiled at him. “Y’re too kind to me. Even though I’m nothing but a burden to you, you’re still so good.”

“Burden? Kiibo, what—what gave you that idea!?” Shuichi started searching his memories to think of any time he’d insulted Kiibo about his usefulness.

“It’s hard to pay the electric bill, isn’t it? And I can’t get a job outside of the house since I need to hide...I can’t do anything for you,” Kiibo said, grimacing.

Shuichi furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about? I don’t have a job yet either, but somehow you and I will be able to resolve that. The electric bill, y-you—you need that to live! The water bill is for us to live, so it’s no different!” he quickly reminded him. “Is that why you didn’t charge yourself?”

Kiibo laughed again and Shuichi clenched his teeth at the insensitive reaction to his sincerity. “See? You’re so kind. I wish...I could be as brave as you. Or as useful as you. You—You’ll be able to do it, Shuichi. I’m just holding you all back.”

Shuichi felt anger start to bubble in his stomach. “I don’t—What!? Why do you think that!?”

Kiibo flinched at Shuichi raising his voice. “Because I’m bad,” he murmured. Shuichi nearly got whiplash from the difference between this Kiibo and the one he was used to.

“...How?” Shuichi quietly questioned. Kiibo didn’t hesitate. 

“I broke the laws of robotics two times. I was a pawn, I-I manipulated you all, I abandoned my morals, I could have killed you! A-And now, my feelings restrain my functionality because of how horrible the killing game was to all of us. And—And I just want to forget and reset and I should have just stayed d—“

Shuichi felt his blood boil. “How can you say that!? What’s—What is wrong with you!? There’s no way this is how you feel, you just need to recharge and calm down—“

Kiibo cut him off just as Shuichi had done to him. “How would you know if it’s how I feel or not!? How would I-I even know, because for so long I had no idea which thoughts were mine and which were from the audience, so how can anyone possibly know what I’m like!? I’m a robot, there’s no way you or I can possibly understand each other!”

Tears started to form in Shuichi’s eyes. “Don’t say that...d-don’t say that! You’ve always been trying to understand feelings, and I know you have them too, even if they’re learned, so don’t invalidate yourself so entirely!”

Kiibo’s hands curled into fists. “But I’ll never truly understand. H-️How can I understand if I’m feeling things the right way?”

Shuichi clenched his fists too. “There’s no right way to feel things. There's no way I can know if my sadness is the same as anyone else’s. Robot or human, that remains the same.”

Kiibo looked away. He couldn’t tell Shuichi he was wrong, because that would just be a rebellious lie. 

“I wish I could just start over,” Kiibo murmured. Shuichi hummed in agreement, blinking back his tears.

“Maybe I should.”

It dawned on Shuichi what he meant. 

“Don’t say that,” Shuichi said under his breath.

“I’ve already died two...or well, three times, so...why does it matter if it happens again?” Kiibo laughed bitterly.

Shuichi felt his heart hurt. He’d wanted to die so many times before himself, but...he didn’t want to lose Kiibo, regardless of which of their deaths caused it. He wanted to keep living, for Maki and Himiko and Kiibo and to prove Danganronpa wrong and carry the feelings and goals and hopes of everyone who was lost.

“You’d forget everyone,” Shuichi reminded him. “What about Miu? And Kokichi? And Angie, everyone we met and became friends with?”

“They weren’t real.” 

Shuichi bit back a swear. Well, he tried to. “What the fuck, Kiibo!?”

They both looked astounded at Shuichi’s foul language, but he didn’t regret it. It was a situation worthy of his anger.

“Did they not exist!? Do I, sitting next to you, do I not exist? Do you not exist!? What does it matter if our personalities and backgrounds are fictional? We still deserve to live!” 

Kiibo sat up a little straighter despite his battery still being incredibly low and draining even faster due to his stress. “I never said you didn’t! But I’m not a person! T-This pain, it keeps me from helping you! If I forgot, I wouldn’t be so worthless!” he shouted angrily. 

“Are you serious!? Obviously my feelings hold me back too! I’m so heartbroken and lonely and sad all the time, but I want to survive! I want to remember so I can use that pain to push me forward!” Shuichi snapped, standing up on his knees. Kiibo shook his head vigorously. 

“But I have the option! You don’t!”

Shuichi growled. “Don’t! Do you have any idea how selfish you’re being!? You’re saying you want to be useful to us, but you resetting wouldn’t help anything! You dying wouldn’t help anything! We’d be so upset, we wanted you back so bad, I don’t want you to go!”

“All I keep doing is hurting you—I-I, this is why I don’t ever talk about this, this is why I shouldn’t talk about this, I don’t know why I am but—I don’t know!” Kiibo wailed. He buried his face into his hands. Shuichi grabbed Kiibo’s shoulders.

“You don’t need to hide your feelings. I-I want to change your mind! Because there are things to live for! We can try to find our families if they exist, we can make sure Danganronpa doesn’t continue, we can be there for each other and build new lives for ourselves and find new things to live for!” Shuichi reassured him.

“All the times you died were out of your control. So please, please don’t hurt yourself.”

Kiibo lurched forward and hugged Shuichi, who yelped in surprise. Without the tears, Kiibo sobbed into Shuichi’s shoulder. And as he reached around to hug him back, Shuichi started crying as well.

“It hurts, it hurts so much, everything, inside and out,” Kiibo wept. 

Shuichi nodded, pressing his face into Kiibo’s neck. “I know.”

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Kiibo repeated, voice weak. 

Tears slid down Shuichi’s cheeks. “It’s okay.” 

Kiibo reacted by hugging him tighter. “Why do you care for me so much…?” Kiibo asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“Because I love you.”

For the two of them it felt like the world stood still.

_ Did I...really just say that? _

They were feelings Shuichi planned to keep locked away for as long as possible, but it seemed Kiibo unintentionally spilling all his unspoken thoughts flipped a switch in Shuichi’s brain too.

“I-I mean, I—don’t. Don’t worry about it.” Shuichi gulped nervously, about to pull away from their embrace, but Kiibo didn’t release him.

“Why?” Kiibo asked. It was an innocent but very complex question.

“You’ve saved me over and over and over again. You’ve...gotten me to feel so many different things and smile so many times, you...you amaze me,” Shuichi gushed. If the words were out, he might as well confess it all.

“How long?”

“I don’t know. A few months? But maybe I just...only realized it then.”

Kiibo lifted his head up from Shuichi’s chest but didn’t remove his arms from him. “What...should I do? What d’you want me to do for you?”

As desperately as Shuichi wants to say be my lover, he doesn’t. “Do what feels right, I suppose. I want you to be happy too. That’s why I—I got so mad at you being so nihilistic.”

Kiibo moved one arm away from Shuichi’s. But not too much. And placed his hand on top of his. It was warm from him being plugged in. Shuichi’s mouth felt dry.

They interlocked their fingers.

“I think...my feelings, my heart is telling me—“

The door opened.

Relatively frantically, too.

“Shuichi, Kiibo! Are you okay?!” Himiko shouted, bursting in. In her hand she held Kiibo’s hat which had fallen off and been forgotten at the bottom of the stairs. The two in question lurched away from one another, afraid of being caught so close.

“No!” Kiibo replied, obviously not considering how nerve wracking that’d be to hear. Maki and Himiko quickly hurried inside and threw down their bags, Maki quickly locking the door behind them.

“Shuichi, you didn’t respond to any of our texts. You have no idea how worried you made us,” Maki reprimanded him as she and Himiko entered the room. It was a pretty sorry sight, Shuichi’s face covered in tears and Kiibo looking exhausted beyond belief.

Shuichi wiped some of his tears away before speaking up. “I’ll explain.”

——————

He needed to leave his room  _ eventually. _ At some point Shuichi would need to get out of bed and talk to Kiibo, sitting just a few yards away. After (vaguely) explaining what happened to Maki and Himiko, they understood why the two of them might want to sleep in. So it was just Shuichi and Kiibo alone in the apartment together. With palpable tension between them.

Of course, Shuichi was nowhere near done delving into Kiibo’s hidden emotions. Kaito and Kaede had shown him bottling it up had done him no good, and it was his turn to teach that lesson to someone else. There was plenty of things about the day prior that needed to be addressed. One in particular though held highest priority. 

_ I never meant to profess my love or anything so suddenly!  _ Shuichi was certainly already fully aware of such feelings, but that didn’t change the fact that he didn’t feel ready to talk about it. Then again, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready to talk about it. Being closeted is hard enough, but falling in love with your robot best friend is even worse. And it was impossible to remain calm over Kiibo’s reaction. Was he going to accept his feelings? Request they leave the subject for another time? Leave the subject  _ forever?  _

Shuichi luckily (unluckily?) wasn’t allowed to ferment his thoughts any longer. Kiibo peeked into the room. The door was already opened part ways by Himiko’s doing. Possibly left like that on purpose. When they make accidental eye contact, Kiibo’s eyes dart to the floor. “Sorry for the intrusion.”

Shuichi smiled nervously in response. “No, that’s fine. We live together, after all.” Kiibo hummed in acknowledgement as he stepped fully into the room. He was still wearing what he’d been wearing the day prior, sans the gloves, shoes, and hat. Shuichi sighed through his nose. He was a little flustered to be laying there still in pajama pants with his hair all frizzy while Kiibo still looked publically presentable, but there wasn’t anything to do about it. “Um,” Shuichi said. Just that. 

“I figured it’d be immature of me to behave as though last nights events didn’t occur,” Kiibo stated, eyes still downcast.

Shuichi bit his cheek as a form of self punishment.  _ Yeah, that’d be immature. It’s not like I was absolutely considering that an option or anything.  _ “What should we do?” he asked bashfully. 

Kiibo walked over to sit on the edge of Shuichi’s bed. Shuichi sat up, pulled his shirt straighter in an attempt to look a bit less like he only managed to sleep about two hours. 

“It is difficult to decide where to begin. But I think maybe it’s best to start back where we ended.” Kiibo chose. Shuichi’s mouth formed a straight line.

“Right. That’s true.”

Despite the agreement, neither spoke up for a moment. Shuichi could hear his heartbeat in his ears.”I’m sorry I sprung that on you so suddenly,” Shuichi whispered, despite them being entirely alone together.

“No, don’t. I sprung far more...many more touchy subjects with you.” Kiibo’s face is dark with shame. Shuichi wanted to pull him into another hug, but resisted. Kiibo met eyes with Shuichi again, intentionally. “I was incredibly insensitive. I said such selfish, hurtful things. I apologize with full sincerity.”

Shuichi’s face contorted into one of confusion, to pensiveness, and then of sympathy. “Kiibo…” The boy being addressed felt something inside himself feel all...swirly and jittery hearing his name spoken in such a bittersweet tone. “I know you never intended to hurt me.”

Kiibo closed his eyes, too ashamed to avert his gaze or to keep eye contact. He grimaced. “But I  _ did.” _

Shuichi sighed. “Yeah. You did. But I don’t...I don’t think you realize that what hurt me the most was knowing you were suffering so much and you never asked me for help.”

Kiibo’s eyes shot open and his eyebrows rose in surprise. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“You—We want— _ I  _ want you to confide in me. When you’re upset. It doesn’t matter what about, I just,” Shuichi cleared his throat. He reached over, placed his hand next to Kiibo’s as if to offer it. “I want you to trust me. You can tell me anything. I don’t mind. I-I want you to.”

Kiibo hooked pinkies with Shuichi. They both feel heat rush to their faces. “Because you love me?”

Shuichi has to hide a whine that bubbles in the back of his throat. “Nn...Yeah. Yes. I. I won’t deny it. I won’t deny what I said last night.” He took Kiibo’s hand fully, ran his thumb across one of his metal knuckles. “I love you.”

Kiibo did something Shuichi didn’t expect. Without his collar and blast guard, he can’t hide his face. So even with his astonished his eyes are and how red his cheeks are, Shuichi can distinctly see Kiibo smile. “I’m glad.” 

Shuichi’s heart did a flip in his chest. “I see,” is all he can muster. Such a response gives him little to work with. Kiibo could just be flattered, or he could feel the same…’I’m glad’ is too vague to decipher. 

Kiibo, despite being awful at physical forms of affection, or, well,  _ any  _ form of affection, gave Shuichi’s hand a reassuring squeeze. He looked him in the eyes, and despite it being such a common thing to do while talking to someone, the moment felt innately intimate for the two of them. “If I am not mistaken, I love you too.”

Shuichi made a few garbled sounds of embarrassment before he squeaked out “Really?”

Kiibo laughed, lighthearted, something that immediately melts the fear Shuichi felt squirming into his mind again. “I believe so.” He looked away, blushing. “I am happy when we are together, and I hate it when we’re apart. And I always want to know what you think, and to see you smile, to  _ be  _ the one making you smile...And—And I’ve,” he glanced down at their hands, “always wanted to do this.”

Shuichi felt a fireworks show taking place in his chest, and swallowed. Such loving words, he felt like he’d just about burst being on their receiving end. “Me too.”

Kiibo tilted his head closer to his shoulder in an attempt to hide his face. “What else?”

Shuichi blinked in confusion. “What do you mean ‘what else?’”

“Does this mean we...begin dating each other?” Kiibo asked innocently. 

Shuichi used his free hand to cover his face. “Do you want to?”

Kiibo nodded in affirmation. “I want to.” Shuichi coudn’t hold back a giddy smile. 

“Um. Is...this the part where we kiss…?”

Shuichi lost the ability to form words.

**Author's Note:**

> god this is pretty depressing but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ it just be like that sometimes  
> ive read lots of fics and stuff going over shuichis emotional trauma but i never saw enough kiibo-centric emotional angst so i was like lol lets fix that  
> but saiibo is my ultimate OTP so i needed to get that in here too you know  
> i love them so much  
> this was both really painful and really self indulgent to write


End file.
